3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
