i just made my gag reflex go away.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
