What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
