I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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