I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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