well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
