I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
