You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
