Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
