That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
