hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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