I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
