brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
