When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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