I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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