i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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