i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
