I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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