dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
