people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
