ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
