i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize