whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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