May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
