No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
