When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
