Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Duck Duck Cougar?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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