I think my fart just growled at me.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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