Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
