Sry I called you an 8
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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