The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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