youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
