im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
