If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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