It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
