haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
How does it feel to date your dad?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
we should paint friendship bongs
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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