Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
