his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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