I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
