Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
