go do what you do best...puke behind churches
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
