i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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