it was like having sex with a tree stump
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I would ride that face into the sunset
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
