And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
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When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
