i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Everclear isn't food dammit
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
