better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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