when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
