the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
