I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
im six kinds of drunk right now
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Randomize
