found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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