Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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