I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize