Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
