I wish you could order shots online.
this just has baby written all over it
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
