I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize