I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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