I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
