i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize