watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
you inspire me to be a worse person
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
