there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
