I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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