i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
