If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
