i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
