i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
