I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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