my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
