Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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