I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
