You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The beer is more important than you right now.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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