Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
