dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
