Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
