After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Mom said you looked used
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
