I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
So. Much. Porn.
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