you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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