i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
