i just wanna soil my oats bro
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
