yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I am available for nakedness
Randomize