Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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